Don’t you just wish you could please everyone and never have to deal with any conflict in life. To always be respected, appreciated and valued for what you do and understood in those moments when you can’t.

In a world full of self-serving nature and instant gratification that isn’t always the case. People want what they want and at times will use whatever means necessary to get it. Even if that means you. They’ll take and take and take until you have nothing left to give. No one likes to let someone down. It feels terrible to know you’ve disappointed someone or haven’t lived up to their expectation. But there is a difference between meeting someone’s expectation within reason of what is acceptable and then being taken advantage of.

The Frustration Behind Unspoken Boundaries

I’ve been working with a client recently who has been struggling with some frustrations and anger issues. They couldn’t quite put their finger on why. They have a very successful business, great family, a home, cash in the bank and want for nothing, yet they were finding themselves frustrated all the time. This is a tough spot to find yourself in. Knowing something isn’t quite right but not knowing what it is or how to fix it. Fortunately for my client, we discovered what was causing the issue and more importantly how to fix it. It all came down to not only setting boundaries but then expressing them effectively.

My client was good at deciding where their boundaries were. After all, we all need boundaries to protect various aspects of our lives. Our emotions, out time, our finances, our health, the list goes on. What my client was not so good at however, was keeping others from crossing those boundaries and this was causing their frustration. It can be easy to blame others or get frustrated when our boundaries are crossed but is it really them we’re frustrated at, or ourselves for not enforcing those boundaries to begin with. It’s human nature to see how far you can push something and get away with it. But quite often when the frustration rises, its because we haven’t been resolute enough in preserving the boundaries set in the first place.

Boundaries Need More Than Just Lines—They Need Voice

Another problem my client faced with the setting and holding of boundaries was that they hadn’t been good at communicating those boundaries with the impacting people. Once they were able to clearly communicate those boundaries and explain why they were important to them, they found very little resistance and these boundaries were upheld and respected.

With the boundaries now in place, expressed and respected, my client found that their frustrations were subsiding, and life was returning to a level of peacefulness. The realisation however, was that boundaries are just as much for the person setting them to follow and that frustration comes from not sticking to your own boundaries.   

It's Not Selfish—It's Self-Respect

We all want to do what we can to always make those around us happy. There is happiness in seeing others happy. In doing so however, we must still establish boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of. When we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of it can be hard to reverse this behaviour as we fall into the trap of people pleasing.

A person who spends all their time pleasing others, seldom pleases themselves. It's not selfish to set boundaries and I encourage you to do so whenever you feel you’re being taken advantage of. Sure, the person you’re establishing these newfound boundaries with might not appreciate it at first, but I encourage you to do so, for your own peace of mind.

You’ll soon know who’s taking advantage of you by their reaction.